I want to hand in all control.
I want to inhabit that place where I don't have to choose.
Or know the answer.
Or be right.
Or do what is expected from me.

I want to let go
As I've let go with you
Knowing you'd be watching
Paying attention
To what escaped my understanding.

Yet now I know
That you are a drug
And as such
I might not be able to be in control once I'm inside.
But I can choose not to take a sip.
Not even a sip.
Not from your eyes.
Not from your smell.

I erased the marks of your hands from my walls.
Because I'm healing.